Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
