You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
