First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
