I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
try to milk me bitch
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