Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
