i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
