Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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