You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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