I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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