fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
