I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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