I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
