I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
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