I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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