so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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