im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
