Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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