A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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