im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
