I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
