I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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