I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
