my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
