Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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