We're like a lot better than the average bears
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
