You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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