What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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