my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
