When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
