So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
