I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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