My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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