Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
NoShamevember. You game?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
