If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
so much tequila, so little girl.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
