Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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