you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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