i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
