Too much gin, very little bucket
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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