So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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