so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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