Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
