I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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