The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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