Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
