I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
