And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
