I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
