my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
