no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
