And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
