Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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