i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
