I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
