I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
